Desahogo!

Can I just let some thoughts go?!

Hey Ya’ll! I know, I know. Where the H E double hockey sticks have, I been. Welp, I have been here still trying to figure out life. I honestly feel that I will never figure it out and I am 31 YEARS OLD, 32 IN MAY! I recently decided that I needed a change from a job that I was not happy at. On top of my personal issues working this job didn’t help. Wow, I did not want to be looking for a new job at this age. Ultimately, I realized that in order to gain happiness career wise I would have to leave the position I held. So, that is exactly what I did!

I wish someone would have prepared me for the stress of looking for a new job. The during lunch time Indeed job searches, the bathroom break Indeed job searches, the family time Indeed job searches and the late night Indeed job search! It consumed me; my every waking moment was searching for a new job.

Rejection, rejection, rejection!

I also was not prepared for the rejection emails that bombarded my email inbox EVERYDAY. You know the emails that start something like, “Hello so and so, while you have amazing qualifications (which they say to everybody) we have decided to go in another direction. Please feel free to search our current positions and keep applying! So, you can continue to receive this heart crushing generic email!!” Uhm, no thanks Jack.

To say that I was starting to take it personal would not be a lie. I did indeed, no pun intended, take it personal. It began to weigh on me that I would never find a job that I could be happy with. A position that was a delight to be in. Gosh, I am a 31-year-old mom of 3 that has nothing to her name but a high school diploma. Every job I had interest in and clicked on let me down with a swift blow to my confidence requesting that I have at least an Associates degree. Even some customer service positions requested this.

Degreeshmagee!

People! I know that a college degree should be every person’s goal but not everyone has made it there yet. I felt that I have been more than qualified for almost all the positions I applied to, yet no one was calling. I stripped and redid my resume and cover letter I cannot tell you how many times. Finally, I received a call. The position would be medical chart abstraction and coding of certain CMS approved codes. I accepted the interview request and went with my smile on and bubbly attitude.

I felt the interview went well and left happy. Then began the waiting for a phone call that I was the chosen candidate. One week passed, two weeks passed, and finally at the end of the third week I received the phone call that I would be offered the position! Which I accepted and I absolutely LOVE the position I am in but after being there a little over a month, regretfully I must leave. I have already been offered an at home position after 9 weeks in the office. I am pretty sure I will not love it the way I LOVE what I am doing now but hey! Que sera, sera.

Mom life!

Long story short, when you are a mother what you want doesn’t matter. I need to do things to make life easier for my kids. We must get up every day before the sun rises, the kids get dropped off to my mother’s house then to school. They hate it. When I worked from home, I was able to get them ready before school and drop them off as well and I was off before they were out of school.

Now, I have no time to do anything with them during the week because I am waaay to exhausted by the time I get home. Some days, I get home to pick one of them up to take to sports then grab fast food to eat at 9 PM when we get home. This new routine is hard on them, but it is also hard on my mom. She is older now and she not only has my three kids but my sisters two. It isn’t right for me to put so much in her lap and it isn’t right for me to be selfish and make them suffer because I really didn’t want to be at the job I had previously.

I guess I am “adulting”

Being a mom sucks sometimes. Most of the time though, its smiling, laughing and crying with them. These days I get none of this, I get yelling and screaming and tiredness every day!  I miss working from home and being there with them day in and day out even though they drive me insane. My kids are the world to me.

I guess I am okay with putting me on hold for a little while longer until all three are older and the youngest is in school full time. Is this how other moms feel? I think I am confused now, but then I am confused for every event in my life! I just can’t seem to get right! Don’t mind me, just another ramble from a 31-year-old mom of 3, who is still trying to figure this thing called life, and motherhood out. ENJOY!

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